Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Bye Bye, Baby

This week marks a milestone in our family. My last little baby has moved out of our bedroom. I know you’re probably wondering why she was in there to begin with, but if you have to wonder that, you’ve never seen my house. Our house is almost a hundred years old, and it. is. tiny. With only about 900 sq. ft. allotted to 5 people, things become a tight squeeze. However, this week we finally shifted things around, and somehow managed to wedge Atleigh into the kids’ room.

I’m not sure how I feel about this. Jeremy and I have been married a little over 7 years. Out of those 7 years, we’ve only had our “own” room for about 2. We’ve always lived in tiny spaces, then somehow (I’m not quite sure how it happened...) our family just kept getting bigger, so we had to keep making room. At one point, when we were renovating said tiny house, we moved in with his parents. For 10 months, we shared a bedroom with both of our kids. Those were a rough 10 months.

I miss having my baby in the room with me. I mean, sleep wise, it doesn’t really make a difference- it’s not like she kept us up at night and this is a welcome reprieve. I can’t decide why it makes me sad. I guess it’s just the finality of it. Knowing that my last little baby has taken the last little “baby” step, and is now officially a toddler. Not that moving her out of our room made it official- more like it brought it to my attention. I’m going to miss having a baby. God knows I don’t want any more kids (You do know that, don’t You God??), but there’s something so heart wrenching about knowing I won’t have anymore kids. I notice every little thing more: the baby talk, the giggling, the fat toes, the way she wraps her chubby arms around my neck, the way her lips form a kiss. I feel like there’s so much more I should have noticed, and I’ve forgotten it all. I feel like so much of my baby memories have disappeared into oblivion- like the mommy brain induced fog that erases the discomfort of pregnancy, the pain of childbirth, the memories of sleepless nights and hormonal crying jags, has somehow erased so many of the sweet, “unmemorable” everyday happenings that make up a baby’s first year or two.

I’ve sat here for another 5 minutes, trying to think of a neat little “wrap up” sentence. I haven’t come up with anything. I’m just sad.

1 comment:

  1. it's a good reminder not to take the everyday little stuff for granted. Haley likes to watch the same Baby Einstein video over and over several times a day and one day I told Pat I couldn't take any more of that movie. He reminded me that some day, she's going to be all grown up and I'm going to pull out that video and cry my eyes out over how much she used to love watching that movie 5 times a day when she was a baby. I'm getting all teary thinking about it now....