For the past five minutes I’ve sat and watched my cursor blink at me. My brain has been on overdrive. My heart has been numb. And my spirit has been weeping.
What do you say when tragedy strikes? That’s the question that has been passed around these past three days, when a dear friend lost her precious baby girl after only six days on this earth. “I don’t know what to say”, is what I’ve heard, and said myself, at least fifty times in 72 hours. I finally answered myself yesterday.
It’s not that I don’t know what to say. It’s that there are no words.
None.
Just a speechless keening in my spirit; a wailing, a grieving that can’t be expressed. There is no sorry big enough in the world.
Then, last night, during one of my many wide awake moments, with tears coursing down my cheeks, words came. They came tumbling one over the other, like salt water through a crumbling dam. Words like:
Angry.
Rage.
Trust.
Confused.
Comfort.
Betrayed.
Heartbreak.
Hope.
Weary.
Bitter.
Faith.
Resentment.
Sorrow.
Mercy.
Lost.
Peace.
If you expected me to wrap all this up in a neat, anecdotal package, I’m sorry to disappoint you. There’s nothing neat about this. I don’t understand. I don’t have answers.
The only thing I know is that He’s big enough to handle any word I can throw at Him.
I know what you mean. Losing a baby, a child just doesn't make sense (to us). It's not fair. Nothing is fair about this situation. It's not as if you can tell the family: it's for the best; God needed another angel; she's not in pain any more or this happened for a reason. I, personally, don't like any of those comments, anytime. We don't know why this happened, all we know is a friend is so very heartbroken and we don't know how to comfort them or ourselves. All we can do is be there, hug them, cry with them and love them. I love you! <3
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