Sunday, December 16, 2012

Where My Heart Is

I know I'm not the only one who has been reeling in the wake of this terrible tragedy in Connecticut. I've seen multiple posts on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram... Broken words of a country, a people, trying to understand what has happened here. It's easy for us, isn't it? Easy to spew out words of comfort, words of explanation, words of anger. Platitudes and diatribes. Gun control and mental health. Calls to arms and calls to prayer. "Turn to God, he'll comfort you." "Turn away from God, he's the one who let this happen."

In my mind, what it comes down to is this: Words are easy. The truth is, no words will bring those victims back. It's easy to sit in front of the computer and tell the country what needs to happen, quote reams of scripture, copy mediocre poetry that is almost a mockery of what happened.

I can't do any of those things. Because I can never, in any world this side of heaven, pretend to understand. Here's what I can do: I can weep with those who weep. I can let my heart swell and puddle with grief and love for those who have lost, and gratitude for the ability to fold my babies in my arms every night. I can let it change the way I interact with my children, each night, each morning. Instead of loudly proclaiming what I think has happened or what needs to happen, I can quietly let it transform what happens with my everydays.

I've tended to be ungrateful for my life. Frustrated with what I don't have, what I think I need. Wanting to be somewhere else, instead of where I am.
I'm not saying there won't be times when I feel that way again. But I hope that after this, I can remember. Remember that whatever it is, above all, my life is just that: LIFE. It's full of it.

Today, my heart is full, too. Full of awareness. Full to the point of breaking. And today, with all my discontent laid aside, I can see clearly where my heart lies. Where it's always been, pointing like a compass to the things that matter most to me- the things that make my heart beat. My heart is here. 

- m

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