Saturday, July 10, 2010

Confrontation Sensation

I hate feeling like I can’t do anything right. No matter which way I turn, whatever I say, it’s going to be wrong. Or received wrong, at the least. How do I get past this? I shouldn’t have to deal with this as a grown adult. This stuff is so childish.

I hate this feeling that I get in the pit of my stomach, this sick, aching, burning sensation. I know what it is. It’s the Confrontation Sensation. The feeling that I should say something, but what? And what does it matter? I can keep laying down, taking it, trying to work around it. Or, I can call it like it is, call it on the carpet, and lay it all out once and for all. Either way it’s wrong. And either way, it’s never over.

I’m not feeling sorry for myself, not really. Just feeling sorry in general, and wishing that being sorry was enough. Even when half the time I don’t know what it is I’m sorry for.

1 comment:

  1. I rarely say what I need to...I hate confrontation. Even when I know things would be better if I just spoke up and was honest, it's just so hard for me to talk myself into taking that first scary step to even bring it up. Sigh.